Toys R' Us Kid

Last week during our Personal Growth and Relationships class, somehow the topic of discussion moved towards maturity and growing up. You know how sometimes we remark to someone, "Why don't you grow up?", to tell him to be more matured or to act his age.

My point in the discussion, was that in current society, we no longer know what it means to be a grown up. Come to think of it, I don't think that phrase is used anymore. Previously, a child knows he is a child, and knows that an adult behaves in a different manner. And normally we have the "coming of age", like maybe the 21st birthday, where society acknowledges us to be adults, and thus more is expected of us, in terms of responsibility, accountability and behaviour.

But somehow, now that doesn't seem to be happening. There doesn't seem to be a transition from childhood to adulthood. Maybe it's because of the society that we live in. Because at the age of 24 some of us are still studying, which of cos is unconsciously linked to children. Or maybe we are the Toys r' Us generation, and the song "I don't wanna grow up", has assured us that we can still be "young at heart". For those who don't know the song, you are still young.

Sad to say, this is not me criticising the world, cos I see that in me. And just now as I was doing reading an article for my methodology assignment, talking about vision. Don't know why, my thoughts went back to last week's personal growth discussion, and I started to question and reflect on my own vision of adulthood. And when I thought back to what I as a youth or teenager had in mind of what a 28 year old should be, I find my current life differs so much with my original vision.

I still remember when youthworks first started, there was one session that Gary did, and he asked us to write down how we saw our lives in 5, 10, 15, 20 years time. I think I was 20 then, and at 25 I hoped to be married, 30 to have a stable job, 35 maybe a car to send my kids to school... Of course now my life has taken a different path, I still see myself in growing in stability in terms of my vocation.

But yet there is still this other part of me which doesn't match my idea of an adult. Maybe cos I've been hanging around the youths too much. One thing which for me was a sign of age, was dressing, different age groups have different dress styles. But my dressing has been pretty much the same, still t-shirt and jeans. Maybe now I wear more polos than before. And I think I can understand why some of the "aunties" in church find it wierd that I still call them "aunty".

I have grown intellectually, in understanding the workings of the world, in self knowledge. Retrospectively, I think I have grown. Maybe I see myself everyday (duh!), thus don't see the growth. Or maybe I can't see myself behaving like those older than me, forgetting that they are also growing, and thus, I should not compare myself with them, but with the younger versions of them.

I still remember the conversation I had with Janet Ang, one of the catechism teachers. At that young age, I saw her as an adult, active in church. But only last year, when she was back in singapore for a while, she remarked that I was doing what she used to be doing. Inside me, I couldn't see it that way, cos I always had the impression of her being older. Maybe I just don't want to grow old ;Þ

I guess it's just a wake up call, as I go further into this journey. To be more aware of myself, my growth, my age, and whether I'm acting my age.