Awareness

Today Sam asked me for feedback for the last recollection that we had last year. And all I could tell him that I remembered was that the soup on sat was superb. Then again before Vespers (Evening Prayer), he asked me whether I'm still in a limbo state. And I replied that I know that I'm here, but not settled in enough to fully BE here. And as I reflected, I guess continuing from yesterday's note on not concentrating on the psalms, currently in the seminary, I'm too caught up with discovering the things and doing things, to actually be aware of what I'm doing. Quite cheem, as I read what I wrote, not sure if it fully explains what I'm thinking.

Cos as I was doing the Examen at my night prayer, something I haven't done since the 8-day retreat, I was reviewing the day, and realised that I wasn't really aware of what I was doing, and less so of my awareness of God. At the moment I guess that most of the community prayer is technical for me. Only my night prayer is conversational and with full attention on God.

Praise God, that He has allowed me to realise it. I guess it's still all part of the settling/adjustment that I have to go through. Anyway tomorrow is my first lecture, Mystery of Salvation (aka Salvation History), by Mgsr Vaz, one of the few that I enjoyed last year when I sat in for some classes, so am looking forward to it.