100th Post - Here Am I

Wah finally, I reached 100. Took me 2.5 years. But anyway wanted to make it a special one. And God sent a wonderful gift to me.

I was looking at the website I featured in my last post, I found a link to another website, with other videos. And of all things I find there, the music video of Mercy Me's "Here Am I".

This song has a special place in my heart, as I would call it my "calling song". 2 years back around this time, Ernest introduced the band Mercy Me to me. And this particular song struck me, the lyrics caught me, and coupled with the phone call... well Here Am I today.

Praise the Lord for this nice reminder, the timing was just fantastic.

Mercy Me - Here Am I

On the other side of the world
She stands on the ocean shore
Gazing at the heavens she wonders
Is there something more
Never been told the name of Jesus
She turns and walks away
What a shame

Just across the street in your hometown
Leaving from his nine to five
Gazing down the road he wonders
Is this all there is to life
Never been told the name of Jesus
He continues on his way
What a shame

CHORUS
Whom shall I send
Who will go for me
To the ends of the earth
Who will rise up for the King
Here am I send me
Here am I send me

Whether foreign land or neighbors
Everyone's the same
Searching for the answers
That lie within your name
I want to proclaim the love of Jesus
In all I do and say
Unashamed

BRIDGE
How beautiful are the feet
of those who bring good news
Proclaiming peace and your salvation

Nicole Nordeman - Why

I received an email from Colin with this link to the Nicole Nordeman song "Why". With a clip from the Passion of Christ playing on one side and the lyrics on the other. I think the song is quite nice, and very meaningful as we prepare ourselves this week, to enter into the Passion of Christ.

I won't put the video on this blog. But you can download it from this website

Nicole Nordeman - Why

We rode into town the other day,
just me and my Daddy.
He said I'd finally reached that age,
and I could ride next to him on a horse
that of course was not quite as wide
We heard a crowd of people shouting
and so we stopped to find out why
There was that man that my dad said he loved,
but today there was fear in his eyes

So I said Daddy why are they screaming?
Why are the faces of some of them beaming?
Why is he dressed in that bright purple robe?
I bet that crown hurts him more than he shows
Daddy please can't you do something?
He looks as if he's going to cry
You said he is stronger than all of those guys
Daddy please tell me why,
why does everyone want him to die?

Later that day the sky grew cloudy
and daddy said I should go inside
Somehow he knew things would get stormy,
boy was he right
But I could not keep from wondering
if there was something that he had to hide
So after he left I had to find out,
I was not afraid of getting lost
So I followed the crowds to a hill
where I knew men had been killed
And I heard a voice come from a cross:
And it said:

Father why are they screaming.
Why are the faces of some of them beaming?
Why are they casting their lots for my clothes??
This crown of thorns
hurts me much more than it shows,
Father please can't you do something?
I know that you must hear my cry
I thought I could handle a cross of this size,
Father remind me why,
why does everyone want me to die.
When will I understand why?

My precious Son,
I hear them screaming.
I'm watching the face of the enemy beaming
but soon I will clothe you in robes of my own.
Jesus this hurts me more than you know
But this dark hour I must do nothing.
Though I've heard your unbearable cry
the power in your blood destroys all the lies,
soon you'll see past their unmerciful eyes.
Look there below see the child
trembling by her father's side.
Now I can tell you why,
she is why you must die.

Toys R' Us Kid

Last week during our Personal Growth and Relationships class, somehow the topic of discussion moved towards maturity and growing up. You know how sometimes we remark to someone, "Why don't you grow up?", to tell him to be more matured or to act his age.

My point in the discussion, was that in current society, we no longer know what it means to be a grown up. Come to think of it, I don't think that phrase is used anymore. Previously, a child knows he is a child, and knows that an adult behaves in a different manner. And normally we have the "coming of age", like maybe the 21st birthday, where society acknowledges us to be adults, and thus more is expected of us, in terms of responsibility, accountability and behaviour.

But somehow, now that doesn't seem to be happening. There doesn't seem to be a transition from childhood to adulthood. Maybe it's because of the society that we live in. Because at the age of 24 some of us are still studying, which of cos is unconsciously linked to children. Or maybe we are the Toys r' Us generation, and the song "I don't wanna grow up", has assured us that we can still be "young at heart". For those who don't know the song, you are still young.

Sad to say, this is not me criticising the world, cos I see that in me. And just now as I was doing reading an article for my methodology assignment, talking about vision. Don't know why, my thoughts went back to last week's personal growth discussion, and I started to question and reflect on my own vision of adulthood. And when I thought back to what I as a youth or teenager had in mind of what a 28 year old should be, I find my current life differs so much with my original vision.

I still remember when youthworks first started, there was one session that Gary did, and he asked us to write down how we saw our lives in 5, 10, 15, 20 years time. I think I was 20 then, and at 25 I hoped to be married, 30 to have a stable job, 35 maybe a car to send my kids to school... Of course now my life has taken a different path, I still see myself in growing in stability in terms of my vocation.

But yet there is still this other part of me which doesn't match my idea of an adult. Maybe cos I've been hanging around the youths too much. One thing which for me was a sign of age, was dressing, different age groups have different dress styles. But my dressing has been pretty much the same, still t-shirt and jeans. Maybe now I wear more polos than before. And I think I can understand why some of the "aunties" in church find it wierd that I still call them "aunty".

I have grown intellectually, in understanding the workings of the world, in self knowledge. Retrospectively, I think I have grown. Maybe I see myself everyday (duh!), thus don't see the growth. Or maybe I can't see myself behaving like those older than me, forgetting that they are also growing, and thus, I should not compare myself with them, but with the younger versions of them.

I still remember the conversation I had with Janet Ang, one of the catechism teachers. At that young age, I saw her as an adult, active in church. But only last year, when she was back in singapore for a while, she remarked that I was doing what she used to be doing. Inside me, I couldn't see it that way, cos I always had the impression of her being older. Maybe I just don't want to grow old ;Þ

I guess it's just a wake up call, as I go further into this journey. To be more aware of myself, my growth, my age, and whether I'm acting my age.

Never be Discouraged

In my last post I mentioned about the wasp building its nest on my door. On the left is the picture of the nest that was built on my door on wednesday. After posting that blog, I went to scrape it off.

Then on thursday, after lunch, when I went back to my room, I saw this on my door (1st picture). The wasp was back! I took a photo at 2pm, then had to rush off for a meeting. When the meeting ended at 4.30, I came back, and found that it had built up even further (2nd picture). And it was still building, flying out to get more mud and coming back (3rd picture). Managed to get a nice picture of it. Had to go for manual labour and community games. And when I came back at 6.30. The nest was built and sealed. Which means that the wasp had laid its larva in it (4th picture).

Sad thing is that one of my brothers has this extreme dislike for God's wonderful creation, and so I had to remove the nest before the larva can develop into a full grown wasp, "and kills somebody".

So I decided to do some scientific research, and opened up the nest, and see what was inside. To my amazement, I found that the wasp had laid its larva inside, and had put in a spider for it to feed on. Then that brother sprayed my door with insecticide, and told me it said on the can that the effect guaranteed to last for 3 months.

But then on friday, the wasp returned again and started building right on the same spot of the other 2 nests and where the insecticide was supposed to be. This time the wasp crossed path with that brother with insecticide in hand, and the picture on the right is the sad end result. I'm keeping the foundation of the 3rd nest on my door in remembrance

On a brighter note ;Þ over that friday and saturday, we had 15 young men come to the seminary for the vocation recollection. Many new faces. We were quite surprised at the number, Praise the Lord. Now hopefully they continue to come, like the wasp, and hopefully there's no one there to "kill" their vocation.

My dog ate my homework

Yah I know I've not posted anything in a while, but I have a reason. "My dog ate my homework". Actually mine is the more updated version of that reason. "My thumbdrive died on me".

I'm not kidding, I came back to seminary after the mid-sem break, plugged my thumbdrive into the comp, and it refuses to read. Even the LED light that shows activity does not come on. And so all my data inside is lost, including a few posts that I had written. And oh yah my greek homework which I started on at home. Now gotta re-do. Imagine if I go to class on thursday and said, sorry father, "my thumbdrive died on me".

Quite sad actually, cos I had 3 posts with reflections on the SYD Rally, Gerard's ordination to the diaconate and other stuff, which I can't remember now. So won't bother about it. No use crying over spilt milk.

Although I won't try and recall what I wrote on the SYD Rally, I would do it great injustice not to mention it. Kudos to the SYD team, for the effort and fine work that they did. All of us were quite impressed with the program and the turn-out. Must have truly been a wonderful learning and serving experience. And just looking at how it has brought the youths of the various churches together, working together for Christ, shows how the Holy Spirit works in us when we are open to him.

Talking about how the Holy Spirit works, despite the "sorrow" of the loss of my thumbdrive, there is cause for much rejoicing. As at this moment, there are 14 young men coming for the vocation recollection this weekend. One guy just signed up. Who knows if more will come.

Please pray for these young men, and also for us and the priest, that this recollection would be an intimate encounter with the Lord, and help them in their journey of discerning their vocation.

Gotta go now. Some wasp has decided to set up it's nest on my door. The mud is still moist, so going to remove it before it hardens. Might post up a picture of it in the next post, which might not be so soon, cos of the recollection, and oh yah my greek. Better get down to my homework. Don't think "my thumbdrive died" is a valid reason. ;Þ

Re-born

Today we went to Holy Trinity. A very big parish in terms of population, the biggest actually, with 13,000. Since they cover the whole pasir ris, simei and tampines area. So its a good thing that they are building the new parish in Pasir Ris. Compared to St Stephen's last week which has a population of 1,008 (So small they can be so exact with the number)

Trinity has a relatively young congregation. During the morning that we were there, we saw many children, youths, young adults, young parents. Few elderly as compared with the other parishes. Logistically I think it's quite a nightmare, they had so many classes for catechism with many sessions. But they are quite blessed too, because they have quite a few young catechist.

Fr Johnson was telling us about catechism, and showed us a book, From Maintenance to Mission: Evangelization and the Revitalization of the Parish.(The book looks quite interesting, reading the few sample pages on amazon.com.) He mentioned something quite interesting. Too often we baptise our kids, teach them the commandments, but we do not make them disciples. And he said, we need to be re-born, like in the conversation between Jesus and Nicodemus in John 3:1-8. This struck me quite a bit, and was my point of reflection the rest of the day. It reminded me of my own "re-birth", and I just felt that whole sense of gratitude for that transformation in my life, and that I should be ever thankful, and not take it for granted.

Now the problem is how do we bring about that re-birth and discipleship element into the catechism class. I know teaching catechism isn't easy, and the problem isn't just changing the catechism program. The environment the kids are brought up in, at home, and in the parish community. The mindset and knowledge of the catechists, in fact of the adults in the church. We can't give something we don't have. It's a vicious cycle, kids who are not brought up in the faith properly, will become adults who do not see the need to grow in their faith. And thru their actions, and if they become catechists - the cycle repeats itself.

Allel-oops

Lent is here, and we are still trying to remember not to say the alleluia at the beginning of the Divine Office.

I was trying to settle my lenten sacrifices, albeit a bit late, but this year I am inspired to really benefit from the sacrifices. This theme of "It's not what you give up, but what you embrace" keeps ringing in my head. It all started with last sunday's sermon at St Stephen's church, by Fr Paul Staes, CICM. (Oh yah which reminds me, I didn't pen down any reflection on that visit)

The only part I remember about his sermon was, "Some of you will give up watching tv. But maybe instead of giving up tv, you should watch, but be selective of what you watch, and use it to increase your faith. Maybe borrow a inspiring movie, and use it to bring you closer to God." After that my mind went on thinking on that statement, and I didn't listen to the rest of his sermon.

Then at yesterday's evening prayer, the scripture reading was from Jam 4:7-8,10

So submit yourselves to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you of two minds.

Which brought to mind Fr Ignatius' sermon some weeks back on the Gospel about the unclean spirit that was cast out and returned back with seven more. I never understood that passage, until he explained that, when we "cast out" our sinful ways, there is an void left in us, and unless we fill it with God and His love, the sin will return and even stronger. And so this passage from James really summerises the 2 dimensions I have to consider in my lenten sacrifices. How are my sacrifices helping me stand firm against the devil? and how are they helping me to draw closer to God?

And then today's mass readings.

"Is not this the sort of fast that pleases me?" - Isa 58:7
"For you do not desire sacrifice; a burnt offering you would not accept. My sacrifice, a contrite spirit; a humbled, contrite heart you will not spurn. - Psa 51:18-19

So this lent, I can fast, I can give up entertainment time, I can spend less on "comfort items", even give up my "bookouts". But what I am going to fill in those voids with. The obvious answer is God. But what practical ways can I do that.

"Lord, grant me the grace to see the world thru your eyes. Give me the strength to persevere in my lenten sacrifices, to stand firm against the devil and his temptations. Show me how to fill myself with your Love. And above all, grant me a humble and contrite heart, to draw myself ever closer to you. That after these 40 days I may celebrate you resurrection with a resounding Alle---a"