God Is Calling Me To Marriage

This is the article that I wrote for last year's seminary magazine "The Journey 2010". When I first proposed the title of the article, I got many puzzled looks and jokes about whether I was going through a vocation crisis. Read the article to find out more.

I once asked a boy in a confirmation camp, what was stopping him from being holy. And his reply was “I don’t want to become a priest”. That answer surprised me. But when I got that same answer from another boy at that camp, it got me thinking. Why was holiness exclusive to the Priesthood? It seems that for those boys, if one were to be holy, it was because he was thinking of becoming a priest, which means that a normal lay person does not have to be holy, or at least not so holy. Sadly this view is shared by many Catholics,

Call to Holiness
In that same line, if I were to ask a young person today “have you discerned your vocation?”, often the answer would be, “no lah, I don’t think that God is calling me to be a priest/nun” The word “vocation” has come to be synonymous with the priesthood and religious life. Partly it could be that the usage of the word has always been linked to priesthood and religious life. Think of terms like “Vocation Sunday” and “Vocation Promotion Team”.

Part of my journey in my renewal of faith in 2003 was to discover what it meant to be Catholic, what it meant to be a disciple of the Lord. I learnt from the Parable of the Rich Young Man (Mt 19:16-22), that it was not just about keeping the commandments, but to follow Christ. And it was in the Lord’s Prayer that I found my answer – “your will be done on earth as it is heaven”. Having prayed that prayer so many times, I realised that it is not an abstract prayer that somewhere, sometime and someone will do God’s will, but that I as Christian, am praying that I may do the Lord’s will in my life. I knew then that I had to discern my vocation. To grow in holiness meant doing the Lord’s will, which meant discerning and living out the call, the vocation that He had made me for.

The Call to Marriage
One of the most common questions I get asked is "how do you know that God is calling you to priesthood?" Recently I have tried a new response to that question. If the one asking is a married person, I would ask them "how do you know that God called you to marriage?" Often the response would be a blank stare or forced laughter. Sometimes the honest ones will say they never really discerned or that they were not that holy when they got married. Then I would ask them how they are living out their marriage vocation now. Silence again.

Vocation Crisis
We often hear that the Church is facing a Vocation Crisis, because of the dwindling numbers entering the priesthood and religious life. But I believe the real Crisis in Vocations is that our Catholics have stopped believing that God has a Will for each and everyone. If our married couples do not see their marriage as part of their call from God to live a life of holiness, are they truly living out a married vocation? Or is their marriage just the same as any non-Catholic marriage.

If every young person were to be asking God “Lord, how do you want me to live my life?”, I am sure that not only will we have more priestly and religious vocations. We will have stronger marriages and better Catholic families where the faith is lived out.

God is Calling Me to Marriage
In my ministry, I have had the privilege of meeting some couples who have shared how God called them to the marriage vocation. But the number of them are fewer than the number of seminarians we have in the seminary. My wish is for all young people to discover God’s call in their lives, so that they will be able to grow in holiness. And also for those who are already married, to find out and live out their marriage as a vocation. It is a call to love, to serve, to lay down their lives for their spouse, for their family, and be the light of Christ in the world.

To read the rest of the articles in the Journey 2010, you can download the pdf version at this link.

First-hand or Second-hand Faith?

One of the first few things I learnt in the seminary was the difference between a second-hand faith and a first-hand faith. The second-hand faith was a faith that was passed down to a person either from their parents, spouse or even friends. Whereas a first-hand faith was one that was earned and gained by that person himself.

"When that whole generation had been gathered to its ancestors, another generation followed it which knew neither the Lord nor the deeds which he had done for the sake of Israel." (Jg 2:10)

When we reached the Book of Judges in our Salvation History class this year, we saw how the Israelites were unfaithful to God. When the generation that had experienced the miracles of the Lord from the Exodus to the Promised Land, had passed away, the subsequent generations gave up their own faith. Because they were relying on a faith based on an experience that was not their own, but that of their forefathers.

Looking at our lives through the lens of the lives of the Israelites, we too are in danger of having history repeat itself, where the next generation lacks depth in their faith, if we too do not help them to encounter the Lord in their lives. That next generation is the youth we have in our church today. Children who are brought up following their parents to church for mass and Catechism classes. The youth who are searching for their identity amidst a society marked by relativism, materialism.

There will come a point in a youth’s life where they start to realize that the faith they practice, all the do’s and don’ts, are their parent’s and not their own. Especially in this generation that is not afraid to ask the question, “Why must I…?”, unless they encounter the Lord personally, the faith becomes just rituals and laws that have little impact on their lives. Sin becomes a breaking of a rule more than a breaking of a relationship with God.

So how can we facilitate our youth to have that encounter of the Lord? How do we help them to take ownership of their faith, to move from a second-hand faith to a first-hand faith? I personally went through such a period in my life, where the faith was just a way of life, about how to be good. Not one based on a relationship with a living and loving God. And as I look back at my own conversion and transformation, I can summarize some of the things that have helped me into the letters A–E–I–O–U.

Affirmation & Encouragement
If we are dealing with a set of rules and laws then the negative motivation of correction and punishment would be the way to enforce them. But since we are trying to cultivate a relationship, we need to positively motivate our youth. This means affirming their past actions, and encouraging them to continue and to grow in their faith journey even if they falter. We need to affirm them of the gifts they have, and encourage them to use and develop these gifts in their ministry.

Evangelization

"It is unthinkable that a person should accept the word and give himself to the kingdom without becoming a person who bears witness to it and proclaims it in his turn." (Evangelization in the Modern World – Pope Paul VI)

One of the areas we need to encourage our youths would be the mission aspect of their faith. In the deepening of my own faith, I discovered that my faith has to include a mission, just like the disciples, God wants us to “Go out to the whole world; proclaim the gospel to all creation” – Lk 16:15. If we have truly discovered a treasure in our encounter with the Lord, we should be like the disciples at Emmaus, who rushed back to Jerusalem to tell the others the Good News that the Lord is risen. That is evangelization. God has a purpose for each and every one of us, to continue that Mission, which is part of the vocation that He is calling us to.

Inspiration not just Instruction
On teachers’ day this year, the newspapers carried many stories of great teachers. And when we look at the testimony of the students, we see a common trend. Teachers are remembered not for what they taught, but for how they inspired their students with the love and conviction with which they taught. In trying to help our youth have a first-hand faith, not only do we need to instruct them on the faith, we also need to inspire them by our own lives. Priests, parents, teachers and especially among the peers, need to show by the examples of their lives, that they lead Christ-like lives, rather than on the values of the world. This is especially true in the way we handle the difficult situations in our lives, just like the early Christians, with courage, trust in the Lord and above all, Love.

Opportunity
We also need to create the opportunity for the youths to experience the Lord. We need to have activities that cater to the broad range of youths of different spiritualities and different levels of faith. What we need are fun activities like camps, games, social activities to attract the youths and allow them to meet and interact with other youths who are convicted in their faith. Included also are mission trips and retreats for youths to empower and to deepen their faith. Small youth communities where youths can come together to learn more about the faith, share, support and challenge one another on their faith journey should also be considered.

Uniqueness & Unity

"For as in one body we have many parts, and all the parts do not have the same function, so we, though many, are one body in Christ and individually parts of one another." (Rom 12:4–5)

St Paul beautifully expresses what it means to be Church in his analogy of the many parts of the body. The youths in the parishes cannot be alienated from the rest, neither should they minister nor be ministered to just like the rest of the members of the parish. Even among the youths, there will appear differences in age, charisms and ministries. The challenge would be to nurture them in the uniqueness and yet bond and unite them to identify themselves as Christian youths, and as part of the Church.

This is the article that I mentioned two posts ago. I wrote it for last years edition of the seminary magazine "The Journey". Actually only the first part about First-hand or Second-hand faith is related to the post on God having no grandchildren. The second part is just some ways in my own life that has helped me move from second to first-hand faith, or a discovery of my true image as a child of God. There were some photos in the article, which I will try to add on later. Also if anyone wants a copy of the seminary magazine which has other articles by the seminarians, you can email me at and I will try to get it to you.