Nicole Nordeman - Why

I received an email from Colin with this link to the Nicole Nordeman song "Why". With a clip from the Passion of Christ playing on one side and the lyrics on the other. I think the song is quite nice, and very meaningful as we prepare ourselves this week, to enter into the Passion of Christ.

I won't put the video on this blog. But you can download it from this website

Nicole Nordeman - Why

We rode into town the other day,
just me and my Daddy.
He said I'd finally reached that age,
and I could ride next to him on a horse
that of course was not quite as wide
We heard a crowd of people shouting
and so we stopped to find out why
There was that man that my dad said he loved,
but today there was fear in his eyes

So I said Daddy why are they screaming?
Why are the faces of some of them beaming?
Why is he dressed in that bright purple robe?
I bet that crown hurts him more than he shows
Daddy please can't you do something?
He looks as if he's going to cry
You said he is stronger than all of those guys
Daddy please tell me why,
why does everyone want him to die?

Later that day the sky grew cloudy
and daddy said I should go inside
Somehow he knew things would get stormy,
boy was he right
But I could not keep from wondering
if there was something that he had to hide
So after he left I had to find out,
I was not afraid of getting lost
So I followed the crowds to a hill
where I knew men had been killed
And I heard a voice come from a cross:
And it said:

Father why are they screaming.
Why are the faces of some of them beaming?
Why are they casting their lots for my clothes??
This crown of thorns
hurts me much more than it shows,
Father please can't you do something?
I know that you must hear my cry
I thought I could handle a cross of this size,
Father remind me why,
why does everyone want me to die.
When will I understand why?

My precious Son,
I hear them screaming.
I'm watching the face of the enemy beaming
but soon I will clothe you in robes of my own.
Jesus this hurts me more than you know
But this dark hour I must do nothing.
Though I've heard your unbearable cry
the power in your blood destroys all the lies,
soon you'll see past their unmerciful eyes.
Look there below see the child
trembling by her father's side.
Now I can tell you why,
she is why you must die.

Toys R' Us Kid

Last week during our Personal Growth and Relationships class, somehow the topic of discussion moved towards maturity and growing up. You know how sometimes we remark to someone, "Why don't you grow up?", to tell him to be more matured or to act his age.

My point in the discussion, was that in current society, we no longer know what it means to be a grown up. Come to think of it, I don't think that phrase is used anymore. Previously, a child knows he is a child, and knows that an adult behaves in a different manner. And normally we have the "coming of age", like maybe the 21st birthday, where society acknowledges us to be adults, and thus more is expected of us, in terms of responsibility, accountability and behaviour.

But somehow, now that doesn't seem to be happening. There doesn't seem to be a transition from childhood to adulthood. Maybe it's because of the society that we live in. Because at the age of 24 some of us are still studying, which of cos is unconsciously linked to children. Or maybe we are the Toys r' Us generation, and the song "I don't wanna grow up", has assured us that we can still be "young at heart". For those who don't know the song, you are still young.

Sad to say, this is not me criticising the world, cos I see that in me. And just now as I was doing reading an article for my methodology assignment, talking about vision. Don't know why, my thoughts went back to last week's personal growth discussion, and I started to question and reflect on my own vision of adulthood. And when I thought back to what I as a youth or teenager had in mind of what a 28 year old should be, I find my current life differs so much with my original vision.

I still remember when youthworks first started, there was one session that Gary did, and he asked us to write down how we saw our lives in 5, 10, 15, 20 years time. I think I was 20 then, and at 25 I hoped to be married, 30 to have a stable job, 35 maybe a car to send my kids to school... Of course now my life has taken a different path, I still see myself in growing in stability in terms of my vocation.

But yet there is still this other part of me which doesn't match my idea of an adult. Maybe cos I've been hanging around the youths too much. One thing which for me was a sign of age, was dressing, different age groups have different dress styles. But my dressing has been pretty much the same, still t-shirt and jeans. Maybe now I wear more polos than before. And I think I can understand why some of the "aunties" in church find it wierd that I still call them "aunty".

I have grown intellectually, in understanding the workings of the world, in self knowledge. Retrospectively, I think I have grown. Maybe I see myself everyday (duh!), thus don't see the growth. Or maybe I can't see myself behaving like those older than me, forgetting that they are also growing, and thus, I should not compare myself with them, but with the younger versions of them.

I still remember the conversation I had with Janet Ang, one of the catechism teachers. At that young age, I saw her as an adult, active in church. But only last year, when she was back in singapore for a while, she remarked that I was doing what she used to be doing. Inside me, I couldn't see it that way, cos I always had the impression of her being older. Maybe I just don't want to grow old ;Þ

I guess it's just a wake up call, as I go further into this journey. To be more aware of myself, my growth, my age, and whether I'm acting my age.

Never be Discouraged

In my last post I mentioned about the wasp building its nest on my door. On the left is the picture of the nest that was built on my door on wednesday. After posting that blog, I went to scrape it off.

Then on thursday, after lunch, when I went back to my room, I saw this on my door (1st picture). The wasp was back! I took a photo at 2pm, then had to rush off for a meeting. When the meeting ended at 4.30, I came back, and found that it had built up even further (2nd picture). And it was still building, flying out to get more mud and coming back (3rd picture). Managed to get a nice picture of it. Had to go for manual labour and community games. And when I came back at 6.30. The nest was built and sealed. Which means that the wasp had laid its larva in it (4th picture).

Sad thing is that one of my brothers has this extreme dislike for God's wonderful creation, and so I had to remove the nest before the larva can develop into a full grown wasp, "and kills somebody".

So I decided to do some scientific research, and opened up the nest, and see what was inside. To my amazement, I found that the wasp had laid its larva inside, and had put in a spider for it to feed on. Then that brother sprayed my door with insecticide, and told me it said on the can that the effect guaranteed to last for 3 months.

But then on friday, the wasp returned again and started building right on the same spot of the other 2 nests and where the insecticide was supposed to be. This time the wasp crossed path with that brother with insecticide in hand, and the picture on the right is the sad end result. I'm keeping the foundation of the 3rd nest on my door in remembrance

On a brighter note ;Þ over that friday and saturday, we had 15 young men come to the seminary for the vocation recollection. Many new faces. We were quite surprised at the number, Praise the Lord. Now hopefully they continue to come, like the wasp, and hopefully there's no one there to "kill" their vocation.

My dog ate my homework

Yah I know I've not posted anything in a while, but I have a reason. "My dog ate my homework". Actually mine is the more updated version of that reason. "My thumbdrive died on me".

I'm not kidding, I came back to seminary after the mid-sem break, plugged my thumbdrive into the comp, and it refuses to read. Even the LED light that shows activity does not come on. And so all my data inside is lost, including a few posts that I had written. And oh yah my greek homework which I started on at home. Now gotta re-do. Imagine if I go to class on thursday and said, sorry father, "my thumbdrive died on me".

Quite sad actually, cos I had 3 posts with reflections on the SYD Rally, Gerard's ordination to the diaconate and other stuff, which I can't remember now. So won't bother about it. No use crying over spilt milk.

Although I won't try and recall what I wrote on the SYD Rally, I would do it great injustice not to mention it. Kudos to the SYD team, for the effort and fine work that they did. All of us were quite impressed with the program and the turn-out. Must have truly been a wonderful learning and serving experience. And just looking at how it has brought the youths of the various churches together, working together for Christ, shows how the Holy Spirit works in us when we are open to him.

Talking about how the Holy Spirit works, despite the "sorrow" of the loss of my thumbdrive, there is cause for much rejoicing. As at this moment, there are 14 young men coming for the vocation recollection this weekend. One guy just signed up. Who knows if more will come.

Please pray for these young men, and also for us and the priest, that this recollection would be an intimate encounter with the Lord, and help them in their journey of discerning their vocation.

Gotta go now. Some wasp has decided to set up it's nest on my door. The mud is still moist, so going to remove it before it hardens. Might post up a picture of it in the next post, which might not be so soon, cos of the recollection, and oh yah my greek. Better get down to my homework. Don't think "my thumbdrive died" is a valid reason. ;Þ

Re-born

Today we went to Holy Trinity. A very big parish in terms of population, the biggest actually, with 13,000. Since they cover the whole pasir ris, simei and tampines area. So its a good thing that they are building the new parish in Pasir Ris. Compared to St Stephen's last week which has a population of 1,008 (So small they can be so exact with the number)

Trinity has a relatively young congregation. During the morning that we were there, we saw many children, youths, young adults, young parents. Few elderly as compared with the other parishes. Logistically I think it's quite a nightmare, they had so many classes for catechism with many sessions. But they are quite blessed too, because they have quite a few young catechist.

Fr Johnson was telling us about catechism, and showed us a book, From Maintenance to Mission: Evangelization and the Revitalization of the Parish.(The book looks quite interesting, reading the few sample pages on amazon.com.) He mentioned something quite interesting. Too often we baptise our kids, teach them the commandments, but we do not make them disciples. And he said, we need to be re-born, like in the conversation between Jesus and Nicodemus in John 3:1-8. This struck me quite a bit, and was my point of reflection the rest of the day. It reminded me of my own "re-birth", and I just felt that whole sense of gratitude for that transformation in my life, and that I should be ever thankful, and not take it for granted.

Now the problem is how do we bring about that re-birth and discipleship element into the catechism class. I know teaching catechism isn't easy, and the problem isn't just changing the catechism program. The environment the kids are brought up in, at home, and in the parish community. The mindset and knowledge of the catechists, in fact of the adults in the church. We can't give something we don't have. It's a vicious cycle, kids who are not brought up in the faith properly, will become adults who do not see the need to grow in their faith. And thru their actions, and if they become catechists - the cycle repeats itself.

Allel-oops

Lent is here, and we are still trying to remember not to say the alleluia at the beginning of the Divine Office.

I was trying to settle my lenten sacrifices, albeit a bit late, but this year I am inspired to really benefit from the sacrifices. This theme of "It's not what you give up, but what you embrace" keeps ringing in my head. It all started with last sunday's sermon at St Stephen's church, by Fr Paul Staes, CICM. (Oh yah which reminds me, I didn't pen down any reflection on that visit)

The only part I remember about his sermon was, "Some of you will give up watching tv. But maybe instead of giving up tv, you should watch, but be selective of what you watch, and use it to increase your faith. Maybe borrow a inspiring movie, and use it to bring you closer to God." After that my mind went on thinking on that statement, and I didn't listen to the rest of his sermon.

Then at yesterday's evening prayer, the scripture reading was from Jam 4:7-8,10

So submit yourselves to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you of two minds.

Which brought to mind Fr Ignatius' sermon some weeks back on the Gospel about the unclean spirit that was cast out and returned back with seven more. I never understood that passage, until he explained that, when we "cast out" our sinful ways, there is an void left in us, and unless we fill it with God and His love, the sin will return and even stronger. And so this passage from James really summerises the 2 dimensions I have to consider in my lenten sacrifices. How are my sacrifices helping me stand firm against the devil? and how are they helping me to draw closer to God?

And then today's mass readings.

"Is not this the sort of fast that pleases me?" - Isa 58:7
"For you do not desire sacrifice; a burnt offering you would not accept. My sacrifice, a contrite spirit; a humbled, contrite heart you will not spurn. - Psa 51:18-19

So this lent, I can fast, I can give up entertainment time, I can spend less on "comfort items", even give up my "bookouts". But what I am going to fill in those voids with. The obvious answer is God. But what practical ways can I do that.

"Lord, grant me the grace to see the world thru your eyes. Give me the strength to persevere in my lenten sacrifices, to stand firm against the devil and his temptations. Show me how to fill myself with your Love. And above all, grant me a humble and contrite heart, to draw myself ever closer to you. That after these 40 days I may celebrate you resurrection with a resounding Alle---a"

Opening to God

I just finished a book review on Thomas Green's Opening to God. This book was highly recommended to us by our Initiation Year Director, and now after reading it, I would also highly recommend it to anyone who wants to deepen their prayer life, or just trying to even make sense of prayer in their lives.

For a person picking up the book, trying to find a sure-fire way to encounter God, he will be sadly disappointed. Which is why the author devoted the first half of the book, to clarify what prayer is, or more importantly, what it is not. Through his experience giving spiritual direction, he knows the struggles we face in our spiritual journey. Thus in “Part I – The What and Why of Prayer”, he corrects many of the misconceptions and answers many questions that the person in this modern era would face regarding prayer.

After changing the mindset we have in the first part, that prayer is really an encounter with the Lord, and it is a response on our part to His drawing, the author suggests a change in approach. In the second part “The How of Prayer”, instead of the things we should do, he focuses on what we should be: “A better approach would be to define prayer as an opening of the mind and heart to God. Opening stresses receptivity, responsiveness to another.” Using his knowledge from the writings of the masters of prayer, Sts Ignatius, John of the Cross and Teresa of Avila, he puts it in simple language, that is easily understood by a beginner to prayer.

Personally, reading this book, has given me much to reflect on. I could identify with the person who used to think of prayer in terms of the categories: adoration, contrition, thanksgiving, and supplication. And now as I move from the devotional faith, to discovering the relational aspect of prayer, it has highlighted some stages and difficulties on this journey that I was unaware I had or am going through. As I mentioned in the first paragraph, it has reminded me that the growth in my prayer life really requires time and effort. I am reminded once again not to be so impatient, expecting to bear fruits through my own effort, and not to be impatient with a God who cares for me.

The most striking part of the book has to be it’s ending, because it describes how I’m beginning to feel about prayer. That when it seems that we have truly learned how to pray, we are actually “only beginning to discover what the Spirit has to teach us of God – but it is a very good beginning.”

"The image I often use is that of a father and his year-old child. The baby has learned how to crawl, and become a very skilled crawler. Then one day the father decides to carry the baby for a walk. Suddenly the baby sees the world from the father's shoulders and moves with the speed of his father's speed. When they return home, the father puts the baby down on the floor again, and the baby is frustrated because he can only crawl. Now he knows something better is possible, and crawling is no longer satisfying.

It is like that in the early stages of our life in prayer. When we begin to make progress, it is not because we have learned to walk, but because God is carrying us. Like the baby, however, we tend to think we have really accomplished something ourselves.

Prayer becomes a joy and our faults disappear, and we think we have really learnt to walk, but the reality is that our faults have not been eliminated, but merely temporarily masked by God's grace. And when he sets us down again, prayer becomes difficult, and our failings return, and we find ourselves frustrated."

Epilogue - Opening to God

The image of the father carrying the child and walking, and the disappointment when the child is put back down to crawl, encourages me to be aware of that during my own journey, and to carry on relying on God and not be disappointed.