Consolation & Desolation

Last Friday's formation talk was supposed to be on Relationship with God. And so although Sister Elizabeth Sim didn't really focus on that topic, it got me thinking about my on relationship with God. And its lent anyway, so I should be thinking about it, talk or no talk.

So I was reflecting on my own relationship and how it has changed/grown over the last year. And i recalled how last year, i would enjoy going to the adoration room, how i had those experiences of God. And there was much joy. I even wake up for morning masses, and do my holy hour. Whereas nowadays not that there is no joy, but i guess lost that enthusiasm.

And in the book I'm reading, Weeds among the Wheat by Thomas Green, he or actually St Ignatius calls it spiritual desolation. Where we feel, restlessness, discouragement, confusion, or that God is not present or not answering our prayers.

Although desolation is not from God, but he allows it to happen to us. St Ignatius goes on to explains the 3 reasons why God allows us to experience desolation.

1. because we have distanced ourselves from Him. And its a wake-up call.
2. because we can be strenghtened thru these trials, and improve the relationship.
3. because He wants us to realise that it is not through our own efforts that we experience Him. Not to get too proud.

I guess the last point is so relevant to me. Thinking back in my past, I can remember ever saying, how I used to keep ador for special occasions, so that I won't get bored of it and lose that "magical" feeling. And how I keep looking for new ways to experience Him. One moment it's daily holy hour, then centering prayer, taize, the Jesus prayer. All in the effort of making prayer life interesting. Even the PDL was a "craze". But all that soon died down. And the dryness and desolation starts again.

I don't think that I'm really experiencing what full desolation really is, Not holy enough ;-Þ Maybe God doesn't think I'm ready to survive on my own yet, thankfully.

Anyway, the best way to overcome desolation, would be to intensify our prayer and efforts. To continue to trust in that ever present yet invisible God, that He will be by our side all the time. Something that I really have to work on this Lent.